Monday, November 23, 2009

Good news...

I got a tap on the shoulder today to act in the Hub Team Leader role at my library today. I am very excited and challenged at the thought of it.

It's a big step up and I know I can do it, I am lucky to have the support of my team at the library and staff at headquarters, help is only a phone call away should i get stuck.

I have many things to learn and skills and techniques to develop over this time and will milk it for all the experience i can during the time.

Yay for me

Sunday, November 22, 2009

I won an award exciting

Sleepy Dumpling awarded me the HONEST SCRAP award - *blush* thank you


So here’s the deal.

1) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged you.

2) Tell those 7 people they’ve been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.

3) Share “10 Honest Things” about yourself.

So the 7 other blogs I am sharing this award with are:

and a few more when I find them perhaps I will award them but these three particular blogs are must reads for me and often give me much food for thought.

1. Grasshoppers/Locusts scare me silly, want to terrify me, just wave one of those suckers at me and watch me bolt.

2. Clowns unnerve me deeply. I am uncomfortable looking at clowns, seeing them dressed up in circuses and don't get me started on those hideous clown masks and blowing up balloons causes my heart to pound quite violently due to one bursting in my face as a child

3. I can't be around people constantly I need a lot of down time by myself. I find family gatherings unnerving and can always be found in a quiet corner somewhere after a few hours

4. I love board games and want to set up a board gamers group that meets regularly

5. I failed my driver's licence test twice before I realised that my eyesight had deteriorated markedly.

6. I solemnly and truly believe that I will be alone for most of my life with perhaps periodic relationships but am utterly OK with it although many many other people are not

7. I place a lot of value on my word and do my utmost to keep it and the few times I couldn't has caused a great deal of angst

8. I love being a public servant, I might whinge and moan but I like helping people and being able to assist them wherever i can.

9. I prefer being with my animals that with a majority of people

10. I love Facebook for the simple fact I can stay in touch with people but on my terms

There are my 10 honest things about me that you may have or may have not known about me

It's beginning to look a lot like.....

Baking - yep you read it right, I have a sudden and compelling urge to bake cakes, biscuits, muffins and all manner of baked goods. This urge hit me fair and square on a quiet friday afternoon, i must bake that night. So I polled my trusty colleagues as to what is necessary to have a standard fare for baking needs,and off I went, after work to buy said ingredients, some $96 later, I have enough stores for all manner of baked goods but not quite yet the skills to use them all. I have a groovy little bakery recipe book that was written and published by the Sandgate Historical Society and it filled with simple but very tasty recipes for a cock eyed beginner such as myself. So I have started with a simple chocolate cake that went down a treat with work mates today, judging by the fulsome praise I received from them all, and a lovely cinnamon teacake that my flatmate and I enjoyed over a cuppa tonight. I have never enjoyed cooking for myself and rarely like eating what I cook, those of whom I have cooked for before have always enjoyed it, but I think its the process of cooking by the time I have it cooked it, I am more or less over it and have lost my appetite. Yes I have cooked and then eaten the next day but still always the leftovers are more than one person can eat.

So I think my workmates are going to be benefiting most of all from this current craze of mine as I practice and develop my skills in baking. It certainly is cheaper than spending a fortune on cakes and cheesecakes from Michel's Patisserie and Cheesecake Shops whose premises I have patronised so fervently over these few years. I am lightyears away from the standards they have but perhaps one day.

Then of course I had to buy more baking tins, different sizes and shapes you see and some more measuring gear, I think that is as much fun as baking. I love wandering through kitchen ware shops and linen shops.

Oh well, am off to bake some more.....

I leave you with the following thought -

When I walk into my kitchen today, I am not alone. Whether we know it or not, none of us is. We bring fathers and mothers and kitchen tables, and every meal we have ever eaten. Food is never just food. It's also a way of getting at something else: who we are, who we have been, and who we want to be.
Molly Wizenberg, A Homemade Life: Stories and Recipes from My Kitchen Table, 2009

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Needs must.....

Well I am back from the coast after doing the not so fun job of packing up mum's things, my sister and I approached from a perspective that it has to be done and done quickly and painlessly as possible. So we sorted through things and decided the keepers, the chuckers, the donations and went from there. It is now very much my sister's abode which is fitting as she is paying the rent and it is her house.

We cleared out the old mismatched cutlery and crockery - kept a few sentimental pieces and descended upon my favourite shopping haunt, the trusty Big W. I told my sister to pick a dinner set she liked and doubled it and cutlery set she liked and other bits and pieces needed as she is shaping up to be rather a canny cook and shouted her the lot as my contribution to this new phase of her life. I love buying my nearest and dearest what they want and need rather than wandering around aimlessly trying to guess.

As a result of this cleaning I have a bootful of mum's clothes deemed suitable for donating, I have my eyes peeled for the donation bins that used to reside at every servo you drove past but, as usual, the minority who misused and wrecked the bins have now forced charities to be extremely discerning where they place their bins, which in turn, makes it difficult for myself and others to unload charitable donations.

I have dropped off some of the various memorabilia that would be of interest to various parties and have yet more to post to other parties, that would be meaningful for them to have rather than myself or my siblings.

I now have bits and pieces of paperwork to finalise and organise, things to post, presents to wrap, mementoes to keep safe until I can get them to the respective people.

I wonder if it's a niche market that could be utilized but I guess it is such a personal thing to pack up a deceased estate that unless you are wealthy or utterly alone, there is always someone to do it on your behalf.

This experience has certainly made me determined to keep the clutter under strict control and keep a rein on paper and other piles of crap that accumulate quicker than baby rabbits!

I feel better now that job is out of the way and less reminders are about to poke you in the eye all the time!

Au revoir..............

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Tick, now what's next..........

I have had a lazy weekend, as I decided to treat myself to one as I wasn't well earlier in the week and thought it wise to just rest and take it easy to ensure that I am back to my normal chirpy self. However today being monday, I had a small list of things to do and have now done them all, it is funny, these items don't take long to sort out but you put them off and put them off and suddenly a month or more has passed since the task first needed seeing to.

1. Organised a copy of the receipt for my hearing aids so I can claim the lousy $600 back from my health insurance for my $5000 hearing aids.
2. Emailed my request to resume my studies for Semester 1 2010, so fingers crossed they decide to have me back as a struggling student.
3. Phoned and found out what is required to close down accounts in mum's name, not a particularly pleasant job but needs must.
4. Paid the ever present bills that always make themselves known to you!
5. Eyebrows shaped, tinted and tidied -always feel untidy if my brows are untidy.

This weekend coming up will be a tough one as I am heading up to my sisters place to clear out Mum's things and make the bedrooms vacant and non personal. So it will be a bit of teary time I suspect but hopefully not too much of a blubber fest.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Doing, Going and Being..........

I am doing lots of things, going lots of place and being with lots of people and yet not feeling much of anything. It's a weird sensation, I enjoy being with the people I choose to be with and enjoy doing the things I am doing but it feels very much that I could be doing something entirely different and I would feel the same, like something just drifting along with the flow. I suppose I will snap out of this lacklustre feeling eventually - just feel like a sepia version of my normal self at present.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

My favourite..........

I've been thinking about favourite things, like favourite days, favourite times, in fact all manner of favourite things.

Favourite day of the week - is generally Monday, I only work one in four mondays so I always feel naughty not working then and its a good feeling. I don't think after all these years I could go the 9-5 Monday to Friday route. I don't mind working every second weekend for the trade off of having Mondays off.

Favourite night of the week - is clean sheet night, that first sleep in your beautiful sun dried linen is truly blissful.

Favourite colour - is purple, my bedroom is painted a soft purple and is very calming and soothing to me. I had a purple car until recently alas the i30 did not come in any shade approximating purple. Very short sighted of Hyundai I thought.

Favourite recreation - is reading, I just love reading, it soothes me and seduces me, I completely lose myself in what i am reading and just become part of the story.

Favourite TV show - I could re-watch West Wing over and over, I have watched it straight through at least three times.

Favourite place in the house - is the new outdoor setting, I will be spending many hours happily whiling away hot summer nights outside reading and listening to music out in my courtyard. I have the choice of a comfy chair or lazy lounger.

These are just a few of my favourite things, hmm now that sounds familiar

Until next time...

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Not much to say really......

still going through the process of grieving which will be what it will be I guess. I am trying to not be impatient with myself and allow it to happen as it will.

Admittedly I am keeping myself busy and distracted most of the time with work, friends and family. I will resume Karate training next week with the beginning of the new module and this time I plan to graduate with the next belt which will be purple with white stripe - Mmm purple - my favourite colour.

I have bought an iPhone and am very happy with it, although listening to messages and trying to skip through them caused a bit of angst the other day, but I eventually figured it out.

I have pulled the plug on developing a relationship with W as I just wasn't feeling anything more than mateship and you need that spark to fire things up and it just wasn't there for me. I am disinclined to let things drag on and made it clear to him that it was back to our cycling mateship for me.

Going to spend the weekend with Von and Dad, it is Dad's birthday on Sunday and since Mum passed away on Father's Day I would like to make a bit of a nicer fuss over Dad than what occurred on Father's Day. Von has a Hen's night to attend on Saturday so I will probably go out to dinner with Dad then and catch up with Von on Sunday and Monday.

That's about all that is going on for the present and will post again sometime soon

Au Revoir

Saturday, September 19, 2009

It's been awhile...

It's been a tumultous few months and I have come through it intact. Mum passed away peacefully on 6th September and we farewelled her off in style true to her character on the 9th of September.

I have been so very well supported and have discovered new depths to old friendships and relationships with people as a consequence, which has been so rewarding and fulfilling.

I am now just taking time to breathe and enjoy the simple things in life and allow time to add its final gentle touch to the grief.

Relationships are a funny thing, romance or otherwise, and depend so much on the timing or where you are in your life, I have put the kibosh on developments with W as I feel not able to be in a relationship with him through no fault of his or mine for that matter. I am 37 years old and frankly I like things how I like them and at present unwilling to make changes to accommodate someone else, that may change in the future, who knows?

I have always been a solitary creature by nature and have to force myself to interact with people to maintain the social habits required. I am looking to take up new hobbies and want to learn to sew properly, I have bought a sewing machine which hasn't seen the light of day since I bought the thing but plans are afoot for me to learn to use it, just want to sew hems, cushions covers, simple things and see how i go from there. I also want to start volunteering regularly perhaps with the RSPCA as I am good with animals and don't mind doing the hard yards where looking after them is required. So I will take the time to look at what is out there and pick and choose what I would like to contribute to society. I have just the final paperwork to put together to get my JP qualifications but I have been a little busy with other things this week so I will finalise that on monday I hope and send off the application to be considered.

I am excited about the future and what it holds for me. I will resume my deferred studies next year as a fresh year full of possibilities and interesting times. Mum will be cheering me on from upon high, that I know, for a fact.

I will be seeking new topics to blog and look forward to suggestions from my readers

I would rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by belief.
Gerry Spence, 'How to Argue and Win Every Time'

Monday, July 20, 2009

Another sunny day....

Just back from a meander along the river with mum in her trusty wheelchair, we sat and watched the world go by and had an ice-cream each. It is truly the simple things in life that are the best and I aim to do as many of the simple things with mum while we can. Tomorrow we are going to venture to Noosa Library and have a look at the audio books on offer, mum has been asking for a while to do this but hasn't been in the best shape to do it but for the moment she is good, so we will get while the getting is good.

I am happy spending time with my mum and sister, in particular, with my sister as an equal, although she will always be my baby sister, I have been quietly stunned at how brilliant she is at looking after mum at her worst and how capable and mature she is at managing everything around her. It has been an eye-opening experience as this has been the longest period of time that we have spent together, at other times when I have been up, she has been at work and doing her thing so we haven't spent a great deal of time together.

Mum is in marvellous hands with my sister and I have no doubt she will cope brilliantly during the week and I can come up on the weekends to relieve her for a couple of days so she can decompress and destress.

In other news, my parents and my sister have met W, the new fellow in my life and he's got the seal of approval from them. He survived the inquisition with panache and didn't run shrieking for the hills, so he has potential. With all else going on, W has been patiently awaiting his turn for my attention, and has placed no demands on my time, which is very considerate of him. It is still early days for me and I have no idea where it will end up but am just taking it day by day.

You just never know what is around the corner.........

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Let me just adjust my chair....

I am pondering what to post, all sorts of things have been going on, and it's been a rough couple of days, in fact this past Sunday and Monday were two of the most stand out most horrible shittiest days of my life thus far. For various reasons I won't go in to the revolting details but most of it was down to the stress levels tipping key people over the edge and causing them to verbally abuse me and mine for no real reason. In addition, Mum's condition has caused her to be confused about her choices for care at this time, in spite of us having carefully discussed all facets of her care when the time came, she is now at the polar opposite of whatever choice she made previously while of sound mind and body.

Nothing works out as planned, you are told one thing and the reality is completely something else, you are made to feel stupid and dramatic for wondering how you can manage things better.

We are now at the point of having to work out care for Mum as the Sunshine Coast is abysmal in its lack of proper palliative care. In Nambour hospital "we just stick 'em where we can find a bed" to use the words of Mum's palliative care doctor. Which means noise, chaos, coming and going of all manner of people at the point where you want quiet and peace and time alone with loved ones whilst having professional care for medication & comfort.

The one thing I have learned out of all this, should I ever be cursed by this disease, I shall not allow this to be my fate - a judicious plan of self-euthanasia will be in place and I will avail myself of it and enact it when I deem necessary.

I feel empty and discouraged and terrified at the moment and have no idea how quickly things will progress, it is literally a day by day thing.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Pointy end of the pineapple....

Mum's condition is deteriorating to the point where serious issues have to be discussed and addressed - which is the purpose of this weekend's visit. My sister and brother will be there to have a round table discussion about various aspects of mum's continuing care and future management. My sister has been doing an absolute sterling job in our (her older siblings) absence and I am so proud of her and so worried for her at the same time. Only 25 and dealing with a fairly heavy emotional burden and still relatively sane. I have had the "talk" with mum and know what her wishes and desires are, however, my siblings don't as they both are younger than me and I guess Mum thought as the oldest it was my role to manage these things and truly, it is an honour to carry out things as Mum wishes, but I just have to relay this information more clearly to my siblings and other family members.

It is a true dichotomy for me at the moment, as everything else in my life is wonderful, I am really and truly happy with all aspects of my life (excepting mum's deteriorating health). I have a new fellow who is very keen on me although very early days, it is lovely to be desired and thought so well of. I work with wonderful people who cannot do enough to support me and offer me so much. My home life is great, Pete my flatmate is a cool dude who is great to share a house with. The furballs grant love unconditionally. I have wonderful friends who do nothing but give me love, support and happiness each in their different ways, who have gorgeous babies I get to spoil, interesting lives that I get to vicariously live through. I have my training to get back too when things are settled and study to look forward to next year. I have such a rich full life that I feel very blessed most days, but I have to face a future without my mum and that is causing some serious self indulgent moment ie Why me etc etc and bargaining with a higher power that if i do this you make mum all better.

Overall I have nothing to complain about, after all, there are billions so very much worse off and have through horrific things and gone on to thrive and be counted in the grand scheme of things.

Such is life I suppose....

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

111 k's and counting.........

Driving the new car is pure bliss, its zippy and responsive and fun to drive! The technology works easily ie CD books play, the MP3 plays the music and it all just works simply without a great deal of faffing about, which is good when one is driving and should have the majority of their attention focused on the road.
Today I collected my hearing aids, well was fitted for them. It was amazing watching them being specifically being tuned to my needs on the PC, the program is so intuitive and was easy to understand to a point. Now with all technology there is a bedding down period and I am to take note of what is working and what isn't and then go back to Barry for a tweak when I need to.

Just feeling a part of the world at large is very liberating, the sounds i am hearing are rich and full and robust - not thin and squeaky. No feedback squeals ever again unless something is seriously wrong. Just figuring out the support technology on offer, you should see the packaging and support gear that came with these two tiny aids, amazing.

Post again soon

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Surprising saw it all along....

Well I have to say these holidays have been an interesting one, buying cars and hearing aids and collecting a boyfriend along the way. Yes, indeed, W & I have taken the first tentative steps in furthering our friendship. Now, being female, the first thing I did was workshop the idea of a relationship with W with my sister and dearest friends, who all agree, the best relationships start off as friends and go from there.

I had just had W as a friend who I cycle with, go out to dinner with and see movies with and hang out with, so we have a good framework to develop with. I guess I had him as a friend and my mind didn't see it coming, but W is a honest and up front sort of fellow and just asked me if I would consider it and so I did and we are seeing how things go.

Early days yet

Saturday, June 13, 2009

OMG, I did it...................

I went and bought a car, signed on the dotted line and everything. Now as I was signing on the dotted lines (there was lots of them and on many pages) my hand was cold and clammy and I looked very pale. My beloved cousin was with me as she is on all major decisions in my life, voluntarily or not. She asked me if I was OK, I just mumbled something and continued signing my life away. This experience is not new to me, anything at all to do with finances, has me plagued with a case of the screaming hab dabs (trust me they are bad). For some reason, finance and my emotions are very closely entwined. When I signed the papers for my house and realised the collosal job I had undertaken I didn't sleep soundly for many weeks and had repeating nightmares about sheriffs evicting me for non-repayment of loans and bills.
Why this is the case I have no idea, I have never not paid a bill, overlooked payment (due to messy office), but not deliberately been unable to pay it. I have never missed a mortgage payment or any other kind of big payment.
However, when it comes time to sign on the dotted line for any kind of financial agreement, I am clammy, cold, shaky and feel ready to hurl. I have a mate who has been very successful in her life through her own hard work and savvy and I was talking to her about all matters financial and she said she had no emotional reaction to anything financial, it's just another transaction.
So signing up for the car today I was rather amazed at my reaction, I had hoped having purchased a house (being usually the biggest financial transaction in your life) I would be over this visceral reaction to financial transactions. I have no trouble meeting my debts and paying them but this reaction is consistent.
In any case, pending finance approval, I will be the proud owner of a new shiny red i30 Hyundai vehicle, I stayed with Hyundai as I have had a dream run with my current car and only due to its advancing age that I have been pushed into doing this new transaction, well, truth be told, it was the hearing aids that cracked it.

I have been deeply unhappy for a long time with the quality of hearing I was actually achieving with my hearing aids, so having time to think and mull over things during the course of my holidays I came to the conclusion that I needed new ones as the impact on my life is pretty severe. I have actually turned up at work and been there for a few hours and not realised I have not turned them on because I haven't noticed the difference in sound input/output.
I am more excited about the hearing aids then the car, in actual fact, because of the overall impact it will have.
I will be able to participate in workroom conversation and hear people talking in a dinner party situation. I will not be saying "i beg your pardon" "sorry I didn't hear that" or just missing out overall.
So I shall return to work a new woman in possesion of new spectacles and new hearing aids and perhaps driving a new car but decidedly a poorer woman!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The countdown begins.....

for my holidays to start. As is my usual wont I am taking a large chunk of time off as I feel holidays should be long and lengthy to really decompress and relax and be ready to hit the ground running for when you return to your normal daily grind.

I will be spending lots of time with my mum naturally, who lives up the coast and I hope the weather will not be cyclonic as it was last time and I can out and about on Goldie (my bike) and go for long walks with Bonny (the dog) and keep my fitness levels up which are sadlly declining in reality. My efforts at Karate and keeping my fitness have been sporadic at best and appalling at worst. I will also have a peruse on Wotif and see if there is a bargain to be snaffled for a few days in a hotel to spoil myself.

I will be doing lots of reading, relaxing, sitting on the beach (I prefer beaches in winter) and just smelling the roses. I usually do some big household jobs on holidays like turning out the pantry and clearing out the garage.

The time will pass altogether too quickly as holidays do but I shall feel refreshed and happy to return to work. Also I have the PINK concert to look forward to whilst on holidays, I have not been to a concert for many many years and am surprisingly excited about attending this one.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Downsizing, minimizing and offloading

What a liberating feeling it is to get rid of stuff that you don't use and can be used elsewhere by other good people.
After deliberating long and hard I have ordered a new lounge suite to be delivered in a few months, in no rush, as it allows me time to get rid of the other sofa, which as it happens has happened rather sooner than expected but no problem, there are chairs to sit on. The most put out in the household over the lack of a lounge will be the animals as they are the usual occupants.

The best thing that has happened over the weekend is the installation of my set top box which has been sitting patiently on top of the TV awaiting installation for almost two years. I kid you not, it makes me laugh as I am considered rather technically minded and savvy with electronics at work but am completely defeated at home by something as relatively simple as installing a set top box. The reception on the TV has gone from very ordinary to absolutely pristine and crystal clear, my flatmate was convinced I had lashed out and bought a new TV.

This imminent installation then created a mess with me trying to figure out what cords belonged to what equipment ie DVD, Set top Box, TV etc, so with a ruthlessness unusual to Cancerians I got rid of the speakers and the stereo underneath that hasn't seen the light of day for years and gave them to my cousin who will give them new life on their deck/verandah. A side note to the mess of cords, I have now labelled the switches indicating which is plugged into each socket. Is that bordering on being too anal?

Another cousin is taking possession of a TV I won earlier this year and was sitting in my bedroom. Now I have never approved of TV's in bedrooms, I believe it to be unhealthy and a distraction especially for couples. I feel so much happier now that it is out of my bedroom and going to someone who will actually use it. I think I had switched it on a total of maybe 3 times.

Back to the sofa, a conversation with a workmate on Sunday has me rid of my sofa this week which will necessitate a few weeks sitting on office chairs when watching TV, which is not a big deal because neither myself or my flatmate are big TV addicts. We may watch a collective total of about 4 hours TV a week.

I was mooching around IKEA this morning after donating plasma, probably not a good idea because I felt a bit light headed but I have my eye on some nice furniture to freshen up the lounge room and finally have it how I really want it. I prefer the minimalist look, uncluttered and clean, though I do bemoan the lack of shelving and display space for a few photos and a couple of treasured knick knacks.

That's the problem with one new piece of furniture it creates a desire to carry on and get new stuff all over but I believe I am being restrained in my desire, it is strictly a coffee table I want and a TV cabinet/sideboard I need and then I will be done.

I have become very conscious of my "want versus need" drive, which is why I have off loaded unneeded possessions lately. I sold my electric bike and the lady is having a delightful time riding it around and about her place. I have given away my sofa and old stereo/speakers and the TV to people who will give them a new life and use them well. All things I don't need.

I feel weighed down when I have a lot of stuff and it creates a drive for more stuff, at least in me it does. I feel liberated when I give stuff away and lighter in heart and spirit when I am minimising my possessions.

Miss K, thank you for my award, however I had "login failed" each time despite a number of attempts so I have posted it to my Facebook account.

Cheers for now

Sunday, April 19, 2009

An innate talent I would love to have.....

would be one of the following three abilities

1. I would love to be able to sing, just open my mouth and stun the audience with my beautiful singing voice just as Susan Boyle has done on Britain's Got Talent. I just watched the episode via Youtube and it was beautiful. I have been listening to a lot of music of late as it soothes my soul - in particular Anne Murray and Eva Cassidy. These are ladies with magic talent, truly blessed with a beautiful voice.

2. I have always wished to draw, be able to reproduce something that I looked at via an artististic medium, in particular, charcoal. I think this has something to do with the serial - Young and the Restless - for many years, the opening sequences showed the characters of the serial rendered in charcoal and I always envied the artist responsible their talent. Pen and ink is also another preferred medium. I have long yearned for a tasteful nude rendered in pen & ink or charcoal - a nude laying sideways away from the viewer, so you see the long line of the back flowing through the buttocks and legs. One day I will have that artwork framed and mounted on my bedroom wall.

3. I have always wanted to sew, just be able to whip up an outfit or lingerie or something for the house without a second thought. I have long admired friends who have shown me stunning quilts, or gorgeous knits or outfits they have created and I have been pea green with envy.

Now I am well aware that all of the above are learned skills with only a modicum of talent needed to be able to produce something of note. With the exception of singing I have tried to learn how to sew but to no avail and though I can crochet a basic stitch and make rugs of which I have made many, knitting currently escapes me. My drawing skills make me a very lousy pictionary partner, you want to lose at pictionary, well I am your gal.

I will drag out the crochet projects that have been languishing since last winter shortly now that the weather is getting cooler, as I feel guilty watching TV/DVD's unless I am also doing a puzzle or crochet at the same time.

I also yearn for gardening talent, it was rather alarming, when I first moved into my beloved abode. that friends and family lavished gorgeous plants upon me as house warming gifts. I always felt the compulsion to apologise to the plant in question for the lousy home it had been bequeathed to. One and all eventually curled up their leaves and died on me. Not through lack of any kind just don't have the knack for nurturing plants. My beloved cousin Shanon has the green thumb in abundance, so to feel less like a brownie (someone who doesn't have a green thumb) I bequeathed all remaining languishing plants to her and they have thrived and bloomed under her tender auspices. My garden lives on the Darwin promise - only the strong shall survive and unfortunately it looks just like that. I need a Jamie Durie to come and Jamie Durie my back yard, or Graham Ross from Better Homes and Garden - not fussy - just someone with ideas and panache to tell me what I need.

So if you have a talent for the above you are cordially invited to do something in my backyard!

Cheers for now

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Routine is good....

I am back from the coast for the moment! Settled happily back into work and beavering away happily at the usual stuff I do.

The big news for me to process is that Mum's cancer is classed now as TERMINAL - which brings to mind, buses, trains and planes, just the connection my brain makes. I wish her cancer would board said bus, train and plane and go far far far away. It is not a shock to me, in my mind I knew this to be probable but in my heart, the news broke it in to two pieces. However having said this Mum is in reasonable good health and spiritis. My brother and grandad are visiting at present and keeping her company. My brother went home yesterday and grandad will depart after Easter some time.

I am just biding my time for when I am needed, I have leave planned for June.

On brighter notes, I went for a great ride yesterday through the delights of Manly and successfully dragged my flatmate Peter along after threatening to charge his bike rent for taking up space in my garage unless he started to ride it. Peter and other friends all enjoyed themselves and being out in the fresh air does wonders for the bruised spirit and tired mind.

Karate has inadvertently taken a backseat but I will refocus on it at a later date, in the meantime, take classes where and when feasible. I've also withdrawn from study at present, I was kidding myself, thinking I could manage with everything else going on. So my life's plan has taken a slight detour and the timeframe for all my big goals has lengthened somewhat but never mind I will get there in the end.

Always a happier day today ....

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Who knew doing so little could be so tiring.....

It has been a while folks, since I last popped a post on my blog but I have been a little busy of late and lacking the discipline to post.

I have been up the coast these last few weeks spending time with mum and giving George her partner and my sister a break from the endless and I do mean endless ferrying to and fro from appointments with assorted medical professionals. Having cancer is quite seriously a full time job, it takes over your whole life and the lives of those close to you who bear the brunt of the fetching and carrying and ferrying about so that you can concentrate on getting through the assorted appointment and getting well.

I have enjoyed being up the coast and being able to be useful, as I have mentioned before I am not much for brow soothing and patting of hands. Give me a mop and broom and I can clean for you, I can cook and I can drive you all around the place wherever you need to be. It has given me quality of time with Mum while driving and sitting in endless waiting rooms to chat about all the ephemeral things.

But doing nothing is hard work, I feel more tired now than after working full time, doing 3 sessions of karate training and a good long cycle. Not just mentally tired but physically tired too. Bizarre but true.

I have been blessed with a great deal of support both overt and subtle, and both gratefully accepted and deeply appreciated. Work has been great with offering leave for as long as needed but still making me feel wanted, friends have been fabulous in offering relief outlets for stress and overloaded emotions. Family have been wonderful in being there and keeping themselves available for assistance when and where needed.

I have always been a simple girl and enjoyed the simple things in life and this whole experience of Mum dealing with cancer has truly stripped away any artifice about what is truly important. Your health, your family and your happiness, everything else is of distant secondary importance.

I am continuing with my studies and the first two assignment due dates are rapidly approaching so I will be doing some serious work this weekend back at my place to get a good grasp on it. I am aiming for a pass don't care for much else.

I will try not to let too much time pass before I post again

Cheers for now

Thursday, February 26, 2009

and what a week it's been...

I have been remiss in posting on my blog of late. But not for lack of trying just lack of inspiration or perhaps lack of clarity.

The first week of study has just passed in a blur of reading, endless reading and not the sort I enjoy - this is the stuff I have to remember so much re-reading is happening to try and cement the theories and thoughts of learned people.

This week at work was also a very intense one, we had a very successful Author talk with some 300 people attending, which takes some serious organising and arranging to go so flawlessly. The entire team performed brilliantly and really rose to the occasion and as a consequence we are all comprehensively knackered!

I have just joined up with Twitter so that I can keep up my understanding of social networking and it's real life applications. My study groups are all online and we are required to post our thoughts on the week's reading online for all to discuss and mull over. So I am currently to be found on Facebook, Twitter, Groupwise, Ning, Tagged, and MSN. By golly, there is no hiding anywhere at all!

I love the potential of weekend as yet untraversed they seem so full of potential and roads to be travelled but in reality they are filled with domestic drudge that you haven't got to during the week. My weekend will begin with karate training and end with a good bicyle ride with assorted mates!

Do what has to be done, when it has to be done, to the best of your ability, all of the time - Life's simple really when you follow this adage!


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

So it begins....

My knuckle down time is nigh! The study routine that seemed so far off in the new year is now upon me. I logged onto the Uni site and checked out various aspects of student services and finally figured out what was what, just after I sent off an email asking a fairly dopey question that I found the answer shortly after.

It will be interesting studying online as I am a tactile person like to have papers and books to touch while reading and absorbing information sitting in front of a PC reading material for study purposes has a slight unreality to it for me and I am concerned that I won't absorb information effectively in this manner. But there is a text book and I will buy it at a cool $93 thank you very much.

The topics are interesting and directly related to my daily work but the trick for me will be expressing my knowledge in a clear and effective manner suited to University standard.

Until we meet again...

Saturday, February 7, 2009

My mother always told me..............

never write anything down that you don't want held against you! So I never wrote a diary or put my thoughts down on paper ever, except in a moment of teenage angst i wrote some abysmal poetry about a boy i liked who didn't return the favour and hid it carefully! Not carefully enough for my brother found it! He didn't torment me about it but mentioned it years later that he had found and read it and i was still embarrassed by that!

Now I am writing reasonably regularly on this blog and I have found I like expressing myself on this blog about things that are topical in my life but sadly some topics i have blogged about have upset people i am close to and they have expressed this anger to me so i have done as they asked and removed the link to the blog from my social networking page. But as a friend of mine says if they don't like it, then don't read it!

I feel that expressing my feelings about various things bubbling away in my life help me manage how i feel about it and stop it becoming bigger than it needs to be. I have felt a bit circumspect since my last post upset people. But, at the end of the day, i was blogging about my feeling's, i was posting about no one else's. Some days it feels like you are clinging with your fingertips on the edge of 1000 ft mountain and not much is helping you to hang on. This blog helps me keep a level head and perspective on things.

Anyway on to a more fun note, I have just spent the last couple of hours dancing around my living with my 12 year old neighbour to the Saturday night party mix and she knows the words to more songs of my vintage i might add than i do. Oh the shame!!

In addition we did some poetry on my magnetic board with my magnetic words, and it was interesting what turned out to be the end result. All in all a fun night

Monday, February 2, 2009

After my rant............

Thank you for the compassion! I had just heard that Mum had nodules found on her kidneys and prognosis was grim! It was an instinctive reaction that I needed to unleash and this blog is handy for those times where I just gotta say stuff....

So mum has the cancer spots on her lungs (the original sites) and a spot on her leg that the specialists don't seem altogether to bothered with and now this on her kidneys. It seems she is stuffed six ways to sunday! I galloped up there on Saturday to spend time with her and get a clearer picture of the situation.

We had the "talk", the one you have about funerals, personal preferences and locations etc etc etc and it was difficult, I went into professional "librarian" mode and asked the questions and got the answers and it was reasonably sorted. I am the executor of mum's estate, such as it is, and I need to know stuff for when the time comes. I found it relatively easy but I know that I am on auto pilot at present when it comes to my feelings about this and suspect when it is over and dust is settled, I will comprehensively fall apart.

I am great leading into and during a crisis - but not so good afterwards, so time will tell how it will all pan out.

I am lucky that work is a great distraction and i have my upcoming study to keep me busy and training to keep me focused and fit and mentally conditioned to cope. I will just have to take things as they come and deal with them as they arise. I have family whose sole purpose is to trouble trouble before trouble troubles them. But I prefer not to "trouble trouble until trouble troubles me"

Until next time..................

Friday, January 30, 2009

Just a statement.............

Let me just say this................


Thursday, January 29, 2009

Feeling virtous.....such a ephemeral feeling...

I have re-focused for the year to optimise the benefit of training as much as possible at Karate! So far so good! It's week 3 and I have been 8 times so far, so averaging 3 sessions a week, of course, if I really had the intestinal fortitude I wanted, I could go in the morning and on the Saturday that I don't work adding an additional 3 sessions to my week but I lack that intestinal fortitude and it would turn into something like very hard work!

So my goal is 3 sessions a week where at all possible!

I am feeling the benefits already, feeling even stronger and more grounded, if that doesn't sound too wanky! So hopefully I am able to maintain my momentum.

I am feeling excited and challenged by work, I love where I work and know that I am blessed to have a workplace such as mine. I can be myself and reasonably understood and feel relaxed. I know the boundaries and where the line is, so I can be my usual cheeky/somewhat mouthy self and know that it's ok.

I had an interesting experience, we had a vacancy to fill and I was selected to be on the interview panel, a first for me, normally I am on the hot seat, groping for wonderful answers to interview questions. I thought it almost as hard to be on the other side as to be the one being interviewed. It didn't help that the candidates were both terrific and an almost equal match for one another. But a choice was made with my colleague with some consultation from our trusty TL and candidates advised. All is well and i feel i have learned yet another thing about myself in this experience, that yes I can perform under pressure and trust my instincts as well.

There are changes afoot at work and I believe I thrive in change and being put under the hammer and am at my best when pressured! So hopefully I will produce some of my best "work" in these up coming conditions without doing my nut.

Ciao for now....

Friday, January 23, 2009


Not a lot to say at the moment, feeling a bit off kilter. Things are a little unsettled, Mum had a Dr's appt today, no new news, just more of the same, no more chemo for the moment but perhaps radium treatment for spot on her leg but more wait and see for her, scans booked for next week and so it goes. Mum is struggling with things at the moment and there is little anyone can do for her other than offer support which seems paltry. Her main issue is fatigue and lack of energy to do the most basic things and this is making things difficult and my sister is copping a fair bit of the flak unfortunately due to proximity more than anything. So its a rough road for all at present which seems rude of me to say as I am 1 1/2 hrs down the road away from it all. This cancer business is a bitch for all concerned and not just the person who actually has the damn thing, it's effects are rippling and far reaching.
I will have to think of some things to help, my aunt phoned this morning and offered to assist with payment for a cleaner to help mum with the big jobs around the house, you know the ones, bathroom and mopping floors etc. I think this is a practical solution and will have to suss it out and see if it will help.

In any case it's a working weekend for me, so i won't be able to nip up for a visit and suss out the lay of the land, i think i will do that next weekend.

Ciao for now

Monday, January 19, 2009

Bin 'dere Dun 'dat

Now where was I, let me think ...................

Oh yes..

I've been busy of late, had a day trip to Sydney, now those who know me know I have not done that much travelling, little bits here and there but to do a day trip to another state was an absolute hoot. Just wander onto the plane and wander off and not be bothered with the baggage bit, it was great. Myself and L who sprang for the trip as a thank you for deeds done some time ago had a great time. We headed to the Lindt cafe at Martin place where we sampled a degustation plate that defeated the both of us annointed chocoholics - a doggy box was sought and given! Apparently this particular Lindt cafe was the first of its kind in the world no less as L was wont to tell me, a true Lindt afficianado or connoisseur!

Then it was time to meet my brother Steven and his girl Pam for lunch, after all the sweetness I was after some savoury food, and Wogamamas was decided upon as there was a treat to be had with soy beans sauteed in garlic & chilli and just plain salted! Sound weird I know but bloody tasty so we cleaned them up in no time and then had a usual meal, I ordered vegetarian something or other as I knew I wouldn't eat a whole something and my brother is a vegetarian so he could be the chook bucket for me.
Chook bucket is the affectionate term used in the family and given to the person at the table who will clean up your scraps much like a chook does.

A quick forage up the Centrepoint tower and having the highlights pointed out to us and it was time to mosey on back to the airport for our trip home. It was a terrific day in all.
Parking was a breeze when I used this mob to park my car at a very reasonable $18 for the day, and totally secure facility

Sunday was a lie in and then preparing for a ride around Cleveland with my mate Wayne, I managed to keep my end up and go for a burl right out the lighthouse and back - and I have found the restaurant I want to have a meal at for my next birthday! So be warned readers that's where I will celebrate my next birthday!

Back at work today and hit the ground running, organising computer relocations, stirring the boss and aggravating the customers to my satisfaction meant a good day was had by me!

Au revoir until next time

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Once again I borrow from Kath

The top 10 things and 10 bottom things about 2008 and I also will start with the bad and finish on a good note:-

Bad things

1. My darling mum being diagnosed with cancer - huge big and scary thing we are all still dealing with
2. My Nan having a nasty fall and breaking her hip necessitating much care from all of us and realising that she will never be the same again and it has aged her considerably
3. Workmates being mucked about .................................
4. Realising that some situations ain't never gonna change and it is time to close the door and move on

Wow I don't have 10 bad things I can say so that is a good thing right

Truly that is all that I can say that was bad about the year - but the first two were I have to say FUCKING HUGE and truly knocked me arse over kettle

Good things

1. Started cycling with a good and serious intent and met my good mate Wayne who has been nothing but supportive in getting me to my goal of cycling well and long and coping with hills
2. Work, I am blessed to work in a great branch with great people and enjoy going to work everyday where I get to be with my raison d'etre - BOOKS
3. I have continued to progress steadily with my Karate training and continue to realise benefits unforeseen when I first started
4. I continued to nibble steadily at my mortgage and can see some tangible difference infinitesimally small but discernable nonetheless
5. I have my 3 furballs who give me joy and humour every day and just are happy to be wherever i am
6. I have my inner strength and determination that will see me through everything and anything this life will throw at me and I will come out on top - This has been confirmed with me this last year
7. I have great family members and beloved friends who are supportive in all manner of ways and ideas
8. I bought new toys like a MP3 player to listen to even more books and I am having fun with that and a Garmin Nuvi Satellite Navigation system that works a treat and makes sure I never ever get lost again - it's bloody unreal
9. I am making positive moves for my career and I have a very supportive boss who encourages me every step of the way, how lucky am I
10. I learned 23 things which was a hoot
and a bonus one
11 I got a great flatmate - yep I fluked the scary lottery of housemates and got a great one Pete - he is considerate, good company, great with my furballs and genuinely likes and plays with them and pays his rent and share of bills without complaint and is pretty good company to boot

So all in all - with sunshine comes rain, with sadness comes happiness, with low funds comes high funds, so everything balances itself out

I am a happy, blessed and lucky gal really

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Thanks Kath for the inspiration...

I have been pondering upon my next post and reading one my regular blogs,, I have cottoned onto it! After all why reinvent the wheel

This is a bit of a blog meme doing the rounds. I don't in any way think that you should HAVE to do anything, but these are things you could pick from to enrich your life. You could make your own hundred things you want to do or have done (or both) that is important to you. I may add a few more to the bottom:
1. Started my own blog- one as required to for work and I have run with it big time!
2. Slept under the stars- under duress when required to
3. Played in a band- Nope, but played the piano as child/teenager and want to go back to it one day
4. Visited Hawaii- not a top 10 destination for me but wouldn't sneeze at it if someone shouted me a trip there
5. Watched a meteor shower- Yes I think I have,not terribly gifted as an astronomer
6. Given more than I can afford to charity- No have always had much than those who need the charity so can't really say that i have given more than i could afford
.7. Been to Disneyland/World- No - see answer 4 for more detail
8. Climbed a mountain- Does Mt Timbeerah count? Otherwise no they were just big hills that felt like freakin' mountains
9. Held a praying mantis- Nope not in this lifetime
10. Sung a solo - Yes - Singstar has a lot to answer for
11. Bungee jumped - Not in this lifetime
12. Visited Paris- One day
13. Watched lightning at sea- Yes many many times been a bit too close to the show
.14. Taught myself an art from scratch - Nope not yet
15. Adopted a child- No but have been sponsoring a child for many years
16. Had food poisoning- Yes, usually due to my own cooking efforts which is horrid and really bad when both ends are exploding.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty- Not yet
18. Grown my own vegetables- Nope brown thumb but want to one day
19. Seen the Mona Lisa- Not yet
20. Slept on an overnight train- Yep usually on our yearly trip to Sydney as my mum refused to fly and her family were located there
21. Had a pillow fight- Yep and usually one
22. Hitchhiked- Nope, too much of a sook and my dad would have throttled me to take a chance like that
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill - It's called a mental health day
24. Built a snow fort- Yes when I went on a skiing trip in my senior year, couldn't ski so built a snow fort instead
25. Held a lamb- yes and many other baby animals - calves, foals, puppies, kittens, chickens,
26. Gone skinny dipping- Yes and loved it surprisingly
27. Run a Marathon- Not in this lifetime
.28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice- Not yet
29. Seen a total eclipse- Yes indeed
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset- yes many times and never ceased to be stunned by its beauty
31. Hit a home run - Not yet
32. Been on a cruise- Nope - movie Titanic has a lot to answer for
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person- Not Yet
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors- Not Yet
35. Visited an Amish community- Not Yet
36. Taught myself a new language- Does fluent swearing in Italian count otherwise NO.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied-I have always had enough if only by the skin of my teeth
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person- Not Yet
39. Gone rock climbing- Does indoor rock climbing count? Otherwise No
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David- Not Yet
41. Sung karaoke- A few times, my lord do I sound bad but always fun especially when snookered
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt- Not Yet
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant- Not Yet
44. Visited Africa- Not Yet
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight- Yes many times
46. Been transported in an ambulance- Not yet, but probably only a matter of time
47. Had my portrait painted- Not Yet but would like be done in charcoal if anyone cares to do one of me
48. Gone deep sea fishing- Not myself personally actually fishing but been on the boat with others doing it
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person- Not Yet
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris- Not Yet
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling- Not in this lifetime
52. Kissed in the rain- Not Yet but on the list of things to do
53. Played in the mud- Yes many times
54. Gone to a drive-in theater- Yes
55. Been in a movie- Nope unless home movies count
56. Visited the Great Wall of China- Not Yet
57. Started a business- Nope
58. Taken a martial arts class- Yep and 1/2 way to black belt
59. Visited Russia- Not Yet
60. Served at a soup kitchen- Not yet
61. Sold Girl Scout cookies- Nope, but was a brownie and sold their biscuits.
62. Went Whale Watching- yep
63. Got flowers for no reason- Not yet, unless I have bought myself a bunch but a gorgeous bunch of red roses on my 19th birthday from the girls I worked with, brought me to tears
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma- Yep many times thanks to an old work mate Fiona Robertson-Cuninghame
65. Gone sky diving- Not in this lifetime
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp- Not Yet
67. Bounced a check- Not yet but bound to happen one day
68. Flown in a helicopter- Not Yet
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy- No but favourite books yes
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial- Not Yet
71. Eaten caviar- Nope
72. Pieced a quilt- Nope but one day I will learn to sew proper like
73. Stood in Times Square- Not Yet
74. Toured the Everglades- Not Yet
75. Been fired from a job- Not as yet
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London- Not Yet
77. Broken a bone- left arm being dragged off a horse
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle- yep
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person- Not Yet
80. Published a book- Nope
81. Visited the Vatican- Not Yet
82. Bought a brand-new car- New to me, but classed as 2nd hand by dealer
83. Walked in Jerusalem- Not Yet
84. Had my picture in the newspaper- Yes, a couple of times.
85. Read the entire Bible- yep
86. Visited the White House- Not Yet
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating- Not personally but been there while it happened
88. Had chickenpox- yes
89. Saved someone’s life- couple of times
90. Sat on a jury- Yes a murder trial very gruelling and not something I care to repeat.
91. Met someone famous- yes, assorted people
92. Joined a book club- Nope
93. Lost a loved one- Yes
94. Had a baby- Made a choice at 15 that I would not be a mum
95. Seen the Alamo in person- Not Yet
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake- Not Yet
97. Been involved in a law suit- Nope
98. Owned a cell phone- a fair few but was late in life getting one compared to friends
99. Been stung by a bee- Yep but being stung on the face by wasps was way way way more painful
100. Ridden an elephant- Not Yet
So there's my replies to the list someone else created. Here's a few others I have done and think would be great experiences others could do if they haven't already:
Again Kath reminded me of similar things undertaken by me
1. Done something way out of my comfort zone - Yes turned up at a dancing class by myself and made myself go again and again until I made friends - something I did for six years, great time of my life. Then decided to do it all again by undertaking martial arts training
2. Read a book in a single seating - Yes many times often through the night
3. Spouted liquid via nose or mouth when someone has made you laugh - - Yes a few times especially at the kitchen at Chermside Library with my workmates - Adrian Kunde was a devil for making me laugh just when I sipped my coffee, he often wore it as a result - It was quite the party trick for me as a small child too until I had my cleft palate repaired!
4. Had my first white Christmas when I was in the states for 2004 Christmas and it started snowing on Christmas Eve - it was very special