Mum's condition is deteriorating to the point where serious issues have to be discussed and addressed - which is the purpose of this weekend's visit. My sister and brother will be there to have a round table discussion about various aspects of mum's continuing care and future management. My sister has been doing an absolute sterling job in our (her older siblings) absence and I am so proud of her and so worried for her at the same time. Only 25 and dealing with a fairly heavy emotional burden and still relatively sane. I have had the "talk" with mum and know what her wishes and desires are, however, my siblings don't as they both are younger than me and I guess Mum thought as the oldest it was my role to manage these things and truly, it is an honour to carry out things as Mum wishes, but I just have to relay this information more clearly to my siblings and other family members.
It is a true dichotomy for me at the moment, as everything else in my life is wonderful, I am really and truly happy with all aspects of my life (excepting mum's deteriorating health). I have a new fellow who is very keen on me although very early days, it is lovely to be desired and thought so well of. I work with wonderful people who cannot do enough to support me and offer me so much. My home life is great, Pete my flatmate is a cool dude who is great to share a house with. The furballs grant love unconditionally. I have wonderful friends who do nothing but give me love, support and happiness each in their different ways, who have gorgeous babies I get to spoil, interesting lives that I get to vicariously live through. I have my training to get back too when things are settled and study to look forward to next year. I have such a rich full life that I feel very blessed most days, but I have to face a future without my mum and that is causing some serious self indulgent moment ie Why me etc etc and bargaining with a higher power that if i do this you make mum all better.
Overall I have nothing to complain about, after all, there are billions so very much worse off and have through horrific things and gone on to thrive and be counted in the grand scheme of things.
Such is life I suppose....
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2 comments:
My dearest friend. As good as life is, even at it's very best, there are things that are painful that will be present, which are difficult journeys to travel. I believe they are there so that we can be grateful for the good things, but that doesn't negate their burden on us.
Allow yourself to have your moments of exhaustion, or pain, or sadness, or anger etc. Let them wash over you, express them, and then let them ebb away so you can enjoy the fab things again.
And know that any time you want some company, I'll wiggle the schedule to fit you in!
Hugs!
Kath
It's okay to feel completely crappy and definitely completely okay to complain. Yes, you have some great things happening in your life right now, but there's still this immensely sh*tty thing going on. Yes, there are millions of people who are worse off than you are, but that doesn't make your situation any less worthy.
Melbourne was excellent. I really enjoyed being a Mum in absentia for 2 days. I saw Cath's ring. OMG. As she puts it: "big f*ck off bling for all time".
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