I am pondering what to post, all sorts of things have been going on, and it's been a rough couple of days, in fact this past Sunday and Monday were two of the most stand out most horrible shittiest days of my life thus far. For various reasons I won't go in to the revolting details but most of it was down to the stress levels tipping key people over the edge and causing them to verbally abuse me and mine for no real reason. In addition, Mum's condition has caused her to be confused about her choices for care at this time, in spite of us having carefully discussed all facets of her care when the time came, she is now at the polar opposite of whatever choice she made previously while of sound mind and body.
Nothing works out as planned, you are told one thing and the reality is completely something else, you are made to feel stupid and dramatic for wondering how you can manage things better.
We are now at the point of having to work out care for Mum as the Sunshine Coast is abysmal in its lack of proper palliative care. In Nambour hospital "we just stick 'em where we can find a bed" to use the words of Mum's palliative care doctor. Which means noise, chaos, coming and going of all manner of people at the point where you want quiet and peace and time alone with loved ones whilst having professional care for medication & comfort.
The one thing I have learned out of all this, should I ever be cursed by this disease, I shall not allow this to be my fate - a judicious plan of self-euthanasia will be in place and I will avail myself of it and enact it when I deem necessary.
I feel empty and discouraged and terrified at the moment and have no idea how quickly things will progress, it is literally a day by day thing.
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