OMG, I did it...................

I went and bought a car, signed on the dotted line and everything. Now as I was signing on the dotted lines (there was lots of them and on many pages) my hand was cold and clammy and I looked very pale. My beloved cousin was with me as she is on all major decisions in my life, voluntarily or not. She asked me if I was OK, I just mumbled something and continued signing my life away. This experience is not new to me, anything at all to do with finances, has me plagued with a case of the screaming hab dabs (trust me they are bad). For some reason, finance and my emotions are very closely entwined. When I signed the papers for my house and realised the collosal job I had undertaken I didn't sleep soundly for many weeks and had repeating nightmares about sheriffs evicting me for non-repayment of loans and bills.
Why this is the case I have no idea, I have never not paid a bill, overlooked payment (due to messy office), but not deliberately been unable to pay it. I have never missed a mortgage payment or any other kind of big payment.
However, when it comes time to sign on the dotted line for any kind of financial agreement, I am clammy, cold, shaky and feel ready to hurl. I have a mate who has been very successful in her life through her own hard work and savvy and I was talking to her about all matters financial and she said she had no emotional reaction to anything financial, it's just another transaction.
So signing up for the car today I was rather amazed at my reaction, I had hoped having purchased a house (being usually the biggest financial transaction in your life) I would be over this visceral reaction to financial transactions. I have no trouble meeting my debts and paying them but this reaction is consistent.
In any case, pending finance approval, I will be the proud owner of a new shiny red i30 Hyundai vehicle, I stayed with Hyundai as I have had a dream run with my current car and only due to its advancing age that I have been pushed into doing this new transaction, well, truth be told, it was the hearing aids that cracked it.

I have been deeply unhappy for a long time with the quality of hearing I was actually achieving with my hearing aids, so having time to think and mull over things during the course of my holidays I came to the conclusion that I needed new ones as the impact on my life is pretty severe. I have actually turned up at work and been there for a few hours and not realised I have not turned them on because I haven't noticed the difference in sound input/output.
I am more excited about the hearing aids then the car, in actual fact, because of the overall impact it will have.
I will be able to participate in workroom conversation and hear people talking in a dinner party situation. I will not be saying "i beg your pardon" "sorry I didn't hear that" or just missing out overall.
So I shall return to work a new woman in possesion of new spectacles and new hearing aids and perhaps driving a new car but decidedly a poorer woman!